Knowing Who You Are and What You Want

"At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want."  -Lao Tzu

If your life is anything like mine, the demands of the world can sometimes press for attention such that it is easy to lose sight of oneself—what you value, what is important to you, what you stand for. The above quote is a good reminder that in those moments when we might feel confused and directionless we are probably focusing too much on things outside ourselves.

It is easy to get lost looking for direction and clarity in sources outside us, but ultimately our inspiration and direction must be driven from our own internal resources. We are, each of us, a slightly different reflection of something deserving of our reverence and respect, therefore, we need to learn to hone our internal ways of knowing and trust them beyond all others. 

No one else’s opinion, ultimately, is going to be more relevant to your life than your own. That being said there is a tremendous responsibility to craft our lives in such a way that we make the best of the potential we've been given, much of which is not going to be lying out on the surface easy to discover. 

Each of us will be required to do a little digging, a little experimenting and a little educated risk taking if we want to know who we are and what we want. And this is an inside job.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I think we are much more than we are ever likely to give ourselves credit for being, the result of beliefs that are often very self-limiting. 

Where do these beliefs come from? In my own experience they often come from sources outside ourselves—well intended parents, friends, co-workers and others. We internalize these opinions, without much serious reflection and, consequently, never bother to test their veracity. 

Doesn’t it make sense to have a body of experience, on which to base judgments regarding who we are and what we are capable of, rather than succumbing to the self-limiting, and possibly self-interested, rhetoric of others? And doesn’t it make sense to give ourselves more than one opportunity in time to prove ourselves?  

No one, ever, is going to be more of an authority on who we are and what we are capable of, than we are ourselves. 

We can research the work of others, read their novels, articles, blogs and watch their films, but they will never be more relevant to our life, than the truth of our own experience. The ideas and work of other people exist as important sources of inspiration—ideas that can sometimes help us get our own creative juices flowing.

 At the end of the day, however, we need to make our own unique contribution by overcoming the fear that prevents us from exploring our edges and trusting ourselves. 

It requires courage to be self-directed and different. It requires sensitivity as well. 

We all have a worthy contribution to make. We make one whether we want to or not. The question is simply one of being authentic, being real, being true to ourselves.

Somewhere inside we know who we are and what we want-a gift definitely worth being true to, a contribution worth making.

The Muddy Water of Ambiguity

I am busy taking a course on gender at the moment and have found little time for writing, but have been lately exposed to a lot of interesting information regarding gender that got me thinking about ambiguity.

As I understand it, when a fetus is developing in the womb sometimes cell division does not complete its cycle--for whatever reason--and babies are born that are inter-sexed. This means that they may have the chromosomes that would usually mark them for a particular sex (male or female), but with the genitalia of the opposite sex--or some variation on this theme. In the past corrective surgery was routinely done on these babies so that they might live a 'normal' life. 

Studies have shown, however, that many of these people either do not feel like the gender that was chosen for them, or are comfortable living as a person who has breasts, but has a functioning penis as well, for example. The tendency to want to neatly compartmentalize life into simple, easily understood categories is understandable, but I think that life, as my anecdote shows, is not like this.

Ambiguity is everywhere apparent and just as apparent are the attempts to bastardize or minimize the relevance or importance, or value of that which does not neatly fall into accepted, prescribed categories. 
Perhaps it is a question of variety and difference that makes us uncomfortable with that which does not appear to follow the general rule, and that which does not follow the general rule, is often that of which we are most afraid. 

I'm not sure that there is anything to truly be afraid of in difference. Inter-sex people are still PEOPLE. We could just as easily become curious and interested in that which differs from ourselves. That is where learning happens, where understanding is possible. Perhaps we could learn to see that none of us is 'purely' female or male. A lot of what constitutes gender is the result of cultural conditioning. So, what then?

I don't have all the answers, but I do think that an openness to life and a willingness to learn are imperative here. Ambiguity raises its head in all sorts of places other than gender assignment. The question of the existence of God, the search for universal truths, and the quest for moral and ethical certitude are all fraught with a large degree of ambiguity, due to life's perpetual habit of running a concept into its opposite--paradox. Life is dynamic, purity is a human mental construct, not an actual fact and, thus, we would do well to get comfortable with ambiguity.

Getting comfortable with ambiguity requires courage, strength, intelligence and heart. If we are serious about world peace, about loving our neighbour as ourself, we are obligated to learn to navigate the seeming inconsistencies of life by keeping the big picture in mind. 

It seems it is in the nature of things that ambiguity has existence--it is part of the fabric of life. This is why education, in the best sense, is important. It helps to widen our perspectives, stimulates our curiosity, and nurtures our ability to assess with an uncommon degree of openness. I'm not saying this means that we approve anything and everything. I'm saying that as we make assessments, we need to do it with tremendous care and attention to detail, while also keeping the whole in mind. 

That is a tall order, but I myself am very tired of the stupidity that seems to routinely divide people over what are, essentially, the most minor of differences. I think we can do better.