Abolish Vicarious Living Now

I think our modern lives have us living much too vicariously. We are voyeurs more than actors actively living and shaping our own lives. We watch too much TV, spend too much time on line, and our ideas of doing something are often rather limited and uninspired. 

We seem to be cultivating habits that foster a rather shallow experience of life. 

WHY?! We definitely have options people!

The world is full of opportunities for pushing our edges, stepping out of the boxes we are often conventionally confined to and fulfilling whatever potential we may have been born with. 

This potential is a gift, one that requires care and cultivation if it is to augment our lives with an increased sense of vitality and connection to life. To illustrate, let me share a personal story.

I became a rock climber one day, by virtue of a whim to attend a weekend rock-climbing school I saw advertised in the post office when I lived in Whitehorse, Yukon Territory. I had no idea what I was getting into. I think I was just curious, however, I discovered an activity that changed my life.

On the first day, I found myself halfway up a 30-foot cliff face terrified and unable to proceed further for the fact that I could not see where my next handhold was, and, worse, my next foothold. Tears in my eyes, I begged to be let down. I was absolutely convinced that I could not finish the climb, but my desperate request was met only with patient amusement and the encouragement to at least make one more move, deal being that if that move failed, then they would let me down.

I could feel anger rising in me at the powerlessness of my situation, so I agreed and made a very awkward, but nevertheless successful, move upward, at which point it was clear as to how to make my way to the top.

Upon reaching the top I was a quivering mass of jello, shaken, but relieved and happy to be finished. More than that, though, I had to confront my mistaken belief that I could not make the climb. 

I truly and deeply believed that the task in front of me was not within my ability to accomplish, and now I had to confront what else in my life I may have mistakenly believed myself incapable of without really giving it a fair shot, and then another fair shot!

What I am saying is that it is important to get out there and do something tangible and challenging if you want to experience more vitality and satisfaction in your life. 

It doesn’t need to be rock-climbing it could be knitting, juggling, dog training, calligraphy, painting, canoeing, running, dancing, cooking—whatever appeals to you, whatever you feel drawn to that inspires enthusiasm and interest. 

Just keep it in the real world and put your whole self into it. No lame or half-hearted attempts allowed! ;)

Living with greater depth is the result of cultivating deep experiences (duh!), the sort of experiences that push our edges. 

Whether, and in what manner, we meet the challenges that are inevitably part of these experiences has everything to do with what degree of vitality is present in our lives. 

Don’t give up too soon. Remember, you are capable of much more than your limited ideas of yourself probably allow.

 It’s a big, beautiful and endlessly inspiring world out there…get interested and go forth!

Savouring the Minutiae

It seems somewhat tragic that we live our lives always looking forward to the next big, life-altering event—i.e. graduation, marriage or the birth of a baby. More tragic is the belief that happiness will be assured if only we are successful in these pursuits, but what if we aren’t ‘successful’ in these very conventional ways? Where is happiness to be procured then? More importantly, is happiness actually assured by attempting to fulfill these conventional expectations? 

I believe that happiness has the possibility of manifesting in the above-mentioned experiences, but, as with most others, there is no guarantee. I think lasting fulfillment and joy manifest much more reliably when we don’t demand the existence of such specific circumstances. Better to take whatever place we find ourselves in and choose to be thankful for whatever is working and thoughtfully meet whatever challenges we have, without fanning the flames of our disappointment, anger and/or resentment.

One way of making the best of whatever life we’ve been given rests in cultivating an increased sensory awareness, a greater degree of sensitivity both to our internal life and the environment around us. 

Living this smaller existence, really getting into the minutiae of our lives, exposes us to a vast array of interesting feelings and phenomena, which hold potential for enriching our lives, for feeding our senses and breeding satisfaction. Living with a greater sense of appreciation for the complexity and profundity of this gift, helps orient us in the direction of happiness and fulfillment.

Small things like watching the sun go down, really soaking in the whole experience—the water, hills, sky and of course the rapidly shifting light display. Or try being really present when you wash the dishes. The smell of the soap, the iridescence of the bubbles, the warmth of the water and transformation of the dishes from soiled to clean. Both can be very satisfying sensory experiences helping us slow down long enough to be present to all the multifarious richness that is available in such minutiae. These things help make me happy and content.

There is no real need for grandiose fireworks, sensory over-loaded movies or way too architecturally inspired food. These, too, can be fun, but not necessary for happiness and long-term fulfillment.

Small living, is rich living in my experience. 

Savour the minutiae of your life and see for yourself how much you don’t need to be happy, joyful and satisfied!

“Man’s happiness really lies in contentment.” –Mahatma Gandhi

“The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment.”

 –Doug Larson

Ultimate Question II - Why Are We Here?

‘Why are we here?’ Ultimate question number two and, again, I don’t believe there is any real definitive answer here. Nevertheless exploring the possibilities helps us become more familiar with the stories, habits and narratives that populate our lives and help give them meaning.

I think that wondering about why we are here helps to promote a deeper interest in life generally and our own existence, more specifically. We seem often to take for granted the lives we lead, the comforts we enjoy, and the privileges we are blessed by. 

Our lives can seem so mundane and banal that we forget the miracle it is just to be alive. We lose touch with basic joys like walking the dog, feeling a warm breeze or the scent of freshly baked bread.

The question ‘why am I here?’ can help us probe deeper into our value system, to become more aware of the values actually operating in our lives. Sifting through this material may put us in touch with the fact that some of these values are not ones we really want operating there, leading to a re-clarification of what is of true value and importance, and why. 

This, in turn, provides the necessary motivation for re-vamping some of our habits, such that our behaviour more closely reflects our true values, priorities and beliefs.

When I wonder about who I am and why I am here, I think a lot about who others are and why we are here. I start to be interested in relationship, social interaction, questions pertaining to love, compassion and generosity. If we are all here together, might we not be here in part to relate constructively with the earth and each other? 

Might we not be here to learn better how to love and what love is?

Tolstoy is famous for having pointed out that the one organizing principle around which the world’s religions are constructed is Love. Simple, beautiful, love. Idea being that we are here to love and that without this organizing principle, life is flat, meaningless and destructive.

I am not an expert in matters pertaining to questions with such profound implications. But, I take a great interest in them. I want to do less harm, to be helpful, to relax more and, yes, to love more deeply.

My wish is that in pondering the question ‘why are we here?’ we all become a little more thoughtful, curious, imaginative and creative in our approach to working with the material that is the stuff of our lives. 

The potential for a fulfilling life is there no matter how large or small we may perceive our existence to be.

In a way it isn’t important to know why we are here. We simply are and we get to choose how we want to move through this thing, how we want to write our story.

The world offers us all the raw material for a rich and satisfying experience. This includes all the ups and downs, the order and the chaos. 

Receive it, respect it and re-write the narrative of your life in appreciation of this amazing gift!

Ultimate Question - Who am I?

'Who am I?' I have wondered about this since I was a child, searched for definitive answers and really come up with next to nothing. So, why ask the question at all? Why bother writing about it if there is no definitive answer?

I think that the question is an important one to ask, because in the asking we help foster a constructive curiosity. Constructive, because curiosity facilitates an openness and receptiveness to life, that potentially deepens our understanding and broadens our otherwise limited perspectives regarding who we are, and who others might be. 

Let me offer a contrary example. Failing to be curious limits our understanding of people because we may believe we already ‘know’ them by virtue of their clothing, their looks, their demeanor, their personality, a bad habit, or even a bad day. As such, we miss the fact that people are much more than these superficial markers alone will ever reveal. 

This ‘inch deep-mile wide’ mentality cannot really get to the heart of what it means to be human, nor provide a satisfactory answer to the question ‘who am I?’ 

Curiosity, on the other hand, encourages us to probe deeper, to ask questions, explore and observe the diversity of what is actually inside us.

I believe we often settle for superficial explanations, because, again, we think we already know who we are and what a ‘self’ is.  In point of fact, ‘self’ is just an idea, a conceptual framework we use in the attempt to try and understand the experience of being in a particular body, at a particular place and time.  

And, we complicate matters further by so busily confining ourselves to our ‘selfing’ projects that we blind ourselves to the larger construct of which we are all a part. 

We are blind to a fantastically vast, beautiful, complex and (ultimately) mysterious universe. We are folded into this universe in such a way that we are neither separate from it, nor from each other—a phenomenon that unites us both literally and figuratively as one. 

To use a Buddhist analogy:  each of us is like an individual wave on the surface of the ocean, but we are not separate from that ocean—we are the whole ocean as well. 

Quite literally we are all in this together!

There is, of course, more to be said on the matter, but I will leave it to you to dig deeper into it. I just thought I’d provide this snap-shot, as a reminder that we are much more than our small ideas of ourselves (and others) often acknowledge or allow. 

Who are we?

We are a fantastically vast, beautiful, complex and mysterious expression of the nature of the universe itself.

Dare to discover!

Meeting the Needs of Others

I’ve spoken about meeting our own needs and how important that is, particularly as the effects of that care (or disregard) rains down in the lives of those around us. Now I would like to speak a bit about the flip side—meeting the needs of others. 

I feel compelled to offer a word or two of caution before I get started. Being of service is an important responsibility that we bear to those who are in real need. However, as the following quote of Thomas Merton points out, we would all benefit from taking a measured approach to being of service because…

To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to the violence of our times.

When we overburden ourselves this way, it is important to understand this as an act of violence against ourselves. Caring for others must be an act resulting in no harm to either side. No single one of us is an unending supply of energy. We all need time to re-fuel, relax and rejuvenate—we all need care. It is ultimately in no one’s best interest for us to sacrifice our wellbeing on the altar of someone else’s need. Contrary to conventional wisdom, you don’t owe anyone else your life! That is just a form of enslavement and enslavement isn’t a product of love. There needs to be some kind of balance.

Still, it is paramount that we all chip in, that we come to see that we each have a role to play in these matters. It is important to be clear about our intentions too, to clarify why we are doing what we are doing, for whomever we may be doing it for. Making a distinction between filling real needs, genuine needs as opposed to wants or desires is critical as well. 

Just volunteering a couple hours a week at the Boy’s and Girl’s Club, or whatever non-profit resonates with your values and experience, can make a big difference. Make dinner for the neighbour who is going through a hard time.  Sit and listen to the old lady on the park bench for a few minutes, and really give her your whole attention. There are a thousand ways we can reach out to others and make their day just a little brighter, and ours along with it. 

The point is to engage with others, to step outside the circle of our usual self-preoccupations long enough to be alive to the needs and concerns of another human being, to their humanity—our humanity.

Please remember this if you remember nothing else: meeting the needs of others and meeting your own needs are not mutually exclusive endeavours, they each are dependent on the other. Being of service is a coin with two sides, always. 

In simple terms:  love your neighbour as yourself.