Emotional Generosity

I know for myself that being emotionally generous can be a challenge. If our trust is violated emotional generosity is simply more difficult. But be generous with each other we must, for if we don’t we will only succeed in starving ourselves and others of the psychological warmth we all crave—love.

Emotional generosity is only possible when we have an open heart. In this state we more readily extend ourselves to others offering supportive words of praise, listening more closely to what is being said, or in general taking a deeper, more sincere and enthusiastic interest in people’s lives and happiness.

Getting in touch with the varied contents of our own heart and mind, then, is of central importance—a form of being emotionally generous with ourselves. 

More deeply understanding our own selves, with all that implies in the way of complexity, contradiction and failure, can only help render us more empathic toward others when they likewise reveal themselves just as complex, contradictory and imperfect. 

Only a heart that is free can be emotionally generous in this way.

One vital ingredient for liberating the heart is the willingness and ability to forgive. Without letting go of past hurts and disappointment there can be no liberation of the heart. 

Which is to say, that to the extent we place value on indulgently cultivating a strong sense of righteous indignation, is the extent to which our hearts harden and calcify.

I have in no way perfected the art of understanding and forgiveness, but as I see it there is no other way to be emotionally generous other than by these means. A work in progress.

In the end I think emotional generosity can be characterized by our willingness and ability to cut ourselves some slack for being human, for making mistakes and falling short of our ideals.

This isn’t to say that we make cheap excuses for bad behaviour, it just means we keep things in perspective. 

Instead of inwardly condemning and shaming ourselves (i.e. being emotionally stingy), we might suspend judgment, step back and take a more thoughtful look at the situation prompting the poor conduct (i.e. be emotionally generous).

In this way we have an opportunity to gain fuller understanding, which then alters the way we perceive things, resulting in improved conduct. We become less reactive and more responsive.

Emotional generosity is always worth striving for. It keeps our hearts fit, our minds less addled and our lives more pleasurable and peaceful.

Expansion of the heart is key. 

Again, be patient, proceed with care and persevere! 

Pernicious Hypocrisy

“The great majority of us are required to live a constant, systematic duplicity. Your health is bound to be affected by it if, day after day, you say the opposite of what you feel, if you grovel before what you dislike and rejoice at what brings you nothing but misfortune. Our nervous system isn’t just a fiction, it’s part of our physical body … [i]t can’t be forever violated with impunity.”  – Boris Pasternak, Dr. Zhivago

We are, unfortunately, faced with situations which hold the potential to divorce us from the veracity of our hearts and minds, thereby compromising our integrity, body mind and soul. And one of the most pernicious forms of hypocrisy is politeness or manners. What many of us think of as being 'nice'.

Sadly much of our polite behaviour amounts to nothing more than a socially sanctioned form of appearing to think and feel one way, while our actual thoughts and feelings may run in quite another direction. 

Sincerity is a virtue precisely because it keeps us in close touch with our authentic feelings and thoughts. And to the extent that what we say and what we do are direct reflections of each other, the people around us will not suffer confusion and pain in their relations with us. 

They will know we can be relied upon to be who we say we are, that we are worthy of their trust and investment in us.

When our behaviour contradicts our speech, we begin to put that trustworthiness into question.

So, staying in touch with the actual contents of our thoughts and feelings is very important. For staying true roots us more deeply in a strong sense of personal integrity.

How can we expect to live full, satisfying lives filled with all the deep pleasures it has to offer, if our existence is a sham, if we are faking our way through life?

Happiness is not possible if we are forever sacrificing our integrity in the name of politeness or anything else. 

Hypocrisy harms everyone. It is one of our great social ills.

Our lives cannot forever be violated with impunity. We all, eventually, pay a heavy price for saying the opposite of what we feel, being disingenuous and engaging in hypocritical behaviour.

So, let’s learn to live with more emotional generosity, warmth and genuineness.

Let’s throw off the shackles of hypocrisy and live a little.

Loving Your Life - Your Presence is Required

“Love the life you live. Live the life you love.” – Bob Marley

A simple prescription if there ever was one, but not so easy to figure out or accomplish at times. 

Loving the life we live speaks to the importance of cultivating a sense of acceptance and contentment regarding who we are, where we're at and what we've been given. 

Living the life we love revolves around living with passion and enthusiasm, locating our bliss and being ever more clear about our relationship with the present moment.

Vitality demands much from us in both these ways and is always a work in progress. 

The object is not to locate the point at which we will have finally made it, but more to be diligent in maintaining an open heart, being patient and continuing to explore what it means to become more human.

In both cases we must show up body mind, spirit and soul - our presence is required.

This is the work of a lifetime, the core around which all the rest orbits. It is the essence of our spiritual life and is therefore a deeply sacred undertaking.

Be courageous, do lots of research, allow yourself to make some blunders along the way and always, always:

Love, Love, Love!

A New Year - Proceeding into the Gorgeously Obscure

As we embark on a new year full of potential, I thought I would write a little about the nature of the journey, namely that it is gorgeously obscure.

I have written a lot about clarity, but obscurity is important too—one of life’s paradoxes. Perhaps there is value in not being able to see too far into the distance. The less we know, the less we are able to take for granted, and the less likely we are to fall asleep at the helm, so-to-speak. 

To the degree that complacency is minimized, our lives take on a heightened awareness. So, although we may not be able to see exactly where we are headed, our increased sensitivity can act as a compass of sorts. 

The whole notion that we should be in control of our lives I find a little problematic anyway. This is one reason why I don’t make New Year’s resolutions. 

I don’t think our job is to create ever more rigid mental and emotional structures within which to confine and torture ourselves—think about all the questionable social and cultural baggage that entails. 

So, lose weight if you want to, but make it a positive, fun, creative experience. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Perfect is who you already are, not who someone else says you should be. 

Remember: think opportunity, not obstacle! What kind of experience do you want to have? Maybe dance lessons are in order …

Try this: imagine life as a river. We need to let the river happen, it happens anyway. Our only job is to navigate the currents the best we are able, and for this we need to be awake, aware, fit and focused — panic, try and control every variable and you are sunk. Give up, do nothing and you are sunk. 

Educate yourself, make a few judicious corrective strokes here and there, and you’re on your way!

Life needs to be handled with care, skill and a positive attitude. Thoughtfully observe and make note of what you observe. Then move out into the gorgeously obscure and navigate it with as much intelligence, enthusiasm and heart as you can muster! 

And remember this little gem:

“Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will.”  - Zig Ziglar


Happy New Year!