In Praise of the Useless Life

In a world which rewards us for successfully competing against our fellow human beings, it is easy to forget the importance of doing things for no other purpose than enjoyment of the activity itself—the importance of play. 

I was reminded of this when I read an article by Brother Paul Quenon in the latest edition of Parabola entitled “In Praise of the Useless Life: Prayer as Creativity and Play.”

It is important to experience the simple edifying effects of participation in an act of drawing, meditation, or music, with no other end in mind than the pleasure of expressing one’s natural passion and vitality--an act stemming from one's soul rather than the demands of social or cultural mores.

The authour reminds us that contemplation, like love, is not a commodity. These are things that exist for their own sake, not for the sake of an impression they may make. 

It is easy to forget the importance of this basic truth when we are conditioned on every side to perform, to be the best. We are so habituated to a hierarchical worldview that we fail to see the cost we, and others, are paying for any ostensible ‘victories’. 

For if there are winners, this necessitates the presence of losers with all the consequent lavishing of reward and praise on the former, while the latter suffers potential condemnation and neglect. 

Where does this really get us in the end? Is this orientation to life really helpful in a world already full of unnecessary suffering?

It seems to me that the cultivation of happiness, through participation in activities that naturally bring us joy, is in short supply these days. This is noteworthy,  as Matthew Kelty reveals:

“I am not a flutist, yet I have a flute and I play it for no purpose and for no ears save God’s and my own. That being so, there is no need of artistry or skill and I can sing my tune without fear of correction or disapproval, let alone of another showing me how it should be done…I don’t want to learn to play the flute. I prefer it this way. Beyond my incapacity to get far, there is the fear of my small joy being driven away by concern for doing it well and turning a natural act into a performance.”

It seems to me that we rob ourselves of a precious source of vitality when we place primary value on performance rather than the passion and joy inherent in an activity with no purpose or end outside itself. Because:

“The intrinsic nature of play is that it serves life and is a mode of life.”

 I don't think this point can be overstated.

I love this idea of a ‘useless’ life. Modernity fails to place much value on the fallow spaces in such a way of living. We are required to justify our existence in terms of productivity, which in my experience comes at a high cost--the lowering of the quality of lives we end up living, and things we end up producing. 

Perhaps it’s time to give quality of life real precedence, and what better way to get started than through passionate, creative acts of play?

The Power of Belief

It is easy to unconsciously slip into a pessimistic view of life, particularly when it is populated with problems whose ultimate resolution remains uncertain, thus engendering our fear and loathing. 

But a routinely negative perspective will often turn our worst fears into a self-fulfilling prophecy, as we tend to see what we believe. Create the habit of focusing on all that isn't following the dictates of our deepest desire and we will miss all the abundance that does sustain and edify.

Belief is a powerful force in our lives in this respect. It profoundly shapes us in ways that remain largely invisible and, therefore, is something worth becoming conscious of and questioning. What beliefs drive our view of life? Are they really true? Partially true? How are they affecting our choices? What would happen if we made a different choice? 

Are our beliefs protecting us from something it would be in our best interest to face?

Sometimes our beliefs do not serve us well, for as much as they hold the potential to liberate, they very often seem to keep us in bondage, confined to a very small view of both ourselves and the world around us. This clearly is not in our best interest and yet it seems that people have a tendency to hobble themselves in this fashion, contributing to mental and emotional malaise.

Freedom is to be found when we have the courage to question some of our assumptions about life, when we open to the possibility that there may be more to us than meets even our own eyes. When we do this it becomes clear that there is much more to everyone's life than is immediately apparent. 

The creation of such a mental space gives us a little breathing room where we can ruminate and process the material that surfaces as the result of questioning some of our most deeply held beliefs.

Transformation is only possible when we make room for the possibility that some of our beliefs are mistaken, when there is room for other ideas to percolate and do their work on us. Transformation is a collaborative effort with the Source of our life and this requires a degree of surrender and a certain amount of faith that there is some method to the apparent madness.

We need to remain awake and alive to the richness and beauty of our lives if we want to reap its benefits. Perhaps if we focus on seeing and appreciating these aspects of life we will experience a consequent shift in our beliefs that can ripple pleasantly into the farthest corners of our existence. 

The human psyche is a very malleable instrument, after all, and like all fine instruments requires maintenance and care in order to function optimally. There are many challenges to this, of course, but failing to do the work will only compound the effects of its neglect.

I personally don't want to wait to get to the end of my life before I appreciate all the wonder and beauty that comprised it. 

Dare to believe that the life you've been given is worthy of such love, care and respect.

Humility and Shame - A Distinction

"Pride makes us artificial and humility makes us real."   ~Thomas Merton

Life's pains and disappointments seem to play a key role in maintaining some degree of equilibrium, they knock us down, ground us and wake us up. They humble us by reminding us that we are flawed, mortal, not in as much control as we would like to think we are at times, and it is often through such experiences that we are lead away from artifice and into authenticity.

A distinction needs to be made, however, between the edifying effects of humility and the toxic, soul-destroying effects of shame. Shame is not to be confused with humility. 

Shame is often a tool used for corroding the inner life of another human soul, usually in the service of obedience training, to mould and shape someone into an image that suits purposes other than the cultivation of life, passion and vitality. Quite to the contrary it snuffs them out.

Humility is more the result of life doing its thing, or of our own failed efforts, the natural consequence of our own actions and behaviour, and, therefore, works on us organically fostering the life of our soul--it does not destroy our confidence, but tempers our pride. This is a good thing, it makes us more humble, loving members of the human community.

There is a lot of pressure on people to perform their roles in society well, to maintain a respectable image and reputation, to adhere to various notions of normality which are sought after like the Holy Grail, but like the Holy Grail these resemble myth and fiction more than they do the reality of everyday life. 

We shouldn't make ourselves sick with worry over our lack of perfection, but use some of these ideals as springboards for asking good questions, inspiration or just as material available for creative use much as a painter picks and chooses from the endless variety of paint colours and mediums he/she has available to create a work of art.

Being real is where life is at, not appearing to be real, not in the cultivation of some arbitrary image of perfection that has no real basis in life as it is actually experienced and lived. 

Perhaps then we can see the hard times in our life not as a pointless punishment, an affront to our humanity, but something we are graced by that augers our humanity by potentially bringing out the very best in us.

Partnered or Single?

I have written before about the importance of cultivating a strong sense of internal solidarity with oneself and this week, when I came across the term 'singlism', I was made aware of a related social phenomenon--the rise in the number of adults who live the single life and contend with the stigma that is often attached to it.

I dislike the creation of more 'isms', however, I cannot dispute the importance of pointing out the social inequities between coupled vs. single people, status being the main one. 

I do not experience my state of being as inherently impoverished and yet we all seem to unquestioningly accept the cultural mythology which perceives the single person (especially the single woman) as inherently pitiable. 

I have observed as many pitiable marriages (including my former own) as I have the pitiable lives of some single people, which makes me think that the issue is not one of who is more to be pitied--people living solo or those living in a community of two. 

The issue in my opinion is one of using whatever circumstances you may find yourself in to elicit warmth, intimacy and love.

This brings me back to the importance of connection. Couples are as dependent on their wider social relations for intimacy and love as single people are, at least if they are smart. 

Expecting a person to be one's sole source of satisfaction where intimacy and warmth are concerned is the foundation on which many relationships are founded and founder. Can we so readily idealize coupledom when this is the case? My favourite writer Thomas Moore furthers the point when he asserts that we have a tendency to sentimentalize the whole notion of relationship, romantic or not.

It seems to me that, fundamentally, life is a solo journey that we embark on alongside others, but essentially are alone with. The one person we always have is our self and this self should not be treated as second rate. Value should be placed on the inner life, our happiness, pleasure and fulfillment. This should not depend on whether there is another person there to share it with or not. 

Our passions, interests and talents remain important sources of vitality whether coupled or not.

Don't wait for validation through someone else's presence in your life, choose to define yourself. A strong sense of internal clarity and integrity is the cornerstone on which to build the life of our dreams and other people can share in that, but their presence isn't pre-requisite.

Intimate relationships are ultimately gifts. Sometimes the dance lasts a lifetime, sometimes an evening, the point is never to forget that the answers to personal fulfillment lie not in the life of these others, but the life inside ourselves. 

Personal sovereignty (self-confidence, passion and vitality) is its own reward, something that exists independent of our intimate connections and experiences with others.

Question Everything. Be More Curious.

I am of the opinion that much of the malaise in the world is due to a dearth of curiosity. People seem to unquestioningly accept the roles assigned to them and others without so much as a moment's curiosity about whether or not there is any truth or value in these roles. 

Particularly when it comes to one's personal self we seem to be so completely enculturated or otherwise brainwashed by the psychological projections of others and our own self-talk, that we fail to question to what degree these stories about ourself and our life have any veracity. Which brings me to the importance of being curious about things long enough to start asking good questions.

Small children are great models of this behaviour, they are curious about everything in the most open and honest of ways, and ask endless questions about the world around them.

I would like to underline at this juncture that the value of asking good questions lies not so much in the receipt of a definitive answer, as the opening of new channels for the mind to explore in its search for authenticity and truth.

Questions help loosen the habits of mind that keep us thinking in a rut. They liberate the mind through wonder and curiosity aiding in the facilitation of our creative energies. This leads us, hopefully, to a place where we begin to recognize that the challenges and taken for granted assumptions of life may have more than one answer, there may be a number of possibilities or solutions that have relevance and bearing. How liberating is that?!

The objective in approaching the mystery of our lives with an open-ended sense of curiosity and wonder is not so much to find answers as to finally realize that there may be no definitive answers, which in turn frees us to approach the whole 'problem' of life with a much greater sense of creativity and fun. Is this not what we typically see the aforementioned children doing?

In essence it is to realize that our lives are fundamentally a mystery which we know very little about, and therefore we should feel free to re-write the rules according to a script which makes sense based on current personal experience and observation rather than the inertia of a habitual, mindless rut.

Here are some good questions to start with:

*What is my greatest talent?

*Who are my most inspiring role models?

*How can I best be of service to others?

*For what am I most grateful in my life?

*When am I most naturally myself? What people, places and activities allow me to feel most fully myself?

These are large questions and may lead to even more questions, and that is the point. We need to wake ourselves up to the wondrous beauty and depth of potential that is the gift of every human life. There is always much more to discover than is immediately apparent on the surface.

Dare to explore and perhaps you will find something unexpected and rewarding. Dare to believe that you are more than the narrow, confining role you may play in life.

Curiosity = Vitality

Wake up! Be more curious.

The Wisdom of Our Feelings

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

--Maya Angelou

I think one of the legacies of modernity is the unfortunate, misguided tendency to underrate the central importance of our feelings. Feelings are often written off as romantic sentimental nonsense and yet for all this diminishment they remain the drivers of much of our behaviour.

We like to think we are above and beyond that in the scientific age, we're rational now, we reason our lives into being which, even as I write this, sounds like (forgive me) utter bull shit. 

Truth is I don't think there is a man or woman alive who does not first understand a situation by how it makes them feel. We may then subject said experience to all kinds of rational interpretations in an attempt to grasp its meaning (diminish its meaning?) with our minds, but the feeling experience is always there first and is a source of important information that shouldn't be off handedly dismissed or written off.

I'm not saying that the mind doesn't play an important role as well--feelings are not more important than reason, its just that I think modern societies have a tendency to favour the life of the mind at the expense of the life of the heart. Ideally, there should be some sort of dialogue between them, such that they inform and enlighten each other. It is definitely important to think critically, for example, but with serious consideration of the knowledge that is imparted by our inarticulate senses--our feelings.

At the end of the day I think Maya is right, that how a situation or person makes us feel is what has the upper hand in the end. We decide if a situation is right for us very often by how it makes us feel. We want to feel good, secure, loved and liberated. 

We are willing to sacrifice all kinds of things in order to make room in our lives for good feelings. 

Trouble is people sometimes want to take short-cuts to feeling good that short change them in the long run. The abuse of alcohol and drugs are emblematic of this. We sometimes don't trust our feelings because of the nature of their intensity and the fact that we have been led astray by them in the past--this is why a dialogue between the head and heart is important. 

It takes some courage and intelligence to navigate the deep waters of our emotions, but I think it is worth doing because there is nothing so satisfying as feeling content and happy in oneself, and this can't be drunk from a bottle. When we feel good we radiate this and then others feel good too when they are with us.

And let's be honest. At the end of the day what truly makes us all feel good is loving and being loved--the wisdom of the heart.

It all comes down to Love ... beautiful!