The Art of Artless Self-Expression

Genuine self-expression strikes me as a very fundamental, yet under-rated aspect of being alive in the world. It is intimately linked to presence and might be described as an organic becoming—the process of unfolding who we are born into the world to be.

Expression, as I’m coming to know it, is also contingent on a strong sense of personal integrity—fruit borne of a more nuanced knowledge of self, though this need not be an unnecessarily complicated venture. A rose, for example, isn’t busy ruminating about what it means to be a rose or befuddled as to how to express its particular beauty. She is what she is—it’s all a function of her innate nature.

What does this mean for you and I? It means we are already a complete and beautiful entity in some sense, but because layers of social and cultural conditioning can sometimes obscure our ability to see and appreciate this, it becomes necessary to edit and revise any misguided beliefs, goals … habituated ways of being in the world that are not resonant with a deeper, more authentic sense of self.

Expression, then, requires re-aligning our internal compass with more native, resonant and deeply rooted sources of nourishment. And this is where things get interesting because resonance is a function of openness, in particular the function of an open heart. It all comes down to love as the most fundamental and basic part of our nature finding expression in the world, so that anything we do may be infused with compassion, empathy, intelligence and kindness—the wisdom of the heart.

Usually we are busy crafting our façade—an image of ourselves designed to conform to social expectations of one sort or another, often taking the form of “tribe” membership. This is not genuine self-expression, though there may be elements of genuine expression involved. More often our façade is the self-defensive creation of our ego, made to give us the appearance of somebody or something we, essentially, are not—a substitute self.

When we detach from this substitute self, we are, of course, left with what might aptly be described as an original Self, the expression of which is both more and less than the carefully crafted façade of our substitute self. This Self is grounded in reality, an integral part of the nature of all things, much in the same way that the aforementioned rose is.

Remember, the original Self isn’t something we invent, it is something we gradually unfold and come to know through a careful examination of our inner life, a contemplative practice of some sort. Such a practice provides space away from the noisy rhetoric of the world, space where we might contact and experience a more original and genuine expression of life—life as it is and as we are, not as we wish it were or wish we were.

In a world busy trying to sell us substitutes, artless self-expression is a welcome relief from all the nonsense—a wellspring of genuine freedom, fulfillment and happiness.

Untangling Our Hearts

Few things are more important, particularly as we age, than loosening knots of mental and emotional entanglement—the cumulative effect of our lived history and experience of life that often create so much tension and unease in the present.

The entanglements I speak of are things such as: the tension created by any unfinished business we may have with others (perhaps needing to forgive others or be forgiven by others), getting in closer touch with what befogs our inner life (our deeper feelings, perceptions and desires), or any muddled thinking regarding who we are and what we stand for (our purpose, location of our bliss and values).

In my own life the method by which I prefer to process such entanglements is meditation. I value this simple and elegant practice for both its thrift and effectiveness—it requires me only to sit and be present to the workings of my inner life. It truly is a transformative practice, an invitation to grace and composure.

Grace is difficult to define, but as I think of it, it is evidenced in those moments in which I sense a deep and unexpected sense of clarity and peace—it’s a gift. It seems to me to materialize more often as my engagement with life deepens, is less mediated and more direct. She also seems to show up more as I slow down and allow for moments of repose.

Composure is evidenced in the act of being in possession of one’s self—calm, peaceful, centered, sovereign. It isn’t a gift per se, but the by-product of awareness and the wisdom derived from direct experience of life. Often it is simply a choice.

I can think of no better investiture of our time than the work of untangling our hearts and locating the sense of composure that invites grace into our lives. And yet, for many it would seem there is no time.

Perhaps this is why Krishnamurti cautioned that it is no sign of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society, and why Gandhi encouraged us to be that change we wish to see in the world—two ideas worth taking to heart on the way to a life of home grown happiness and greater ease.

Understanding Empathy

Empathy, as I think of it, is rooted in better understanding the architecture of the human heart, particularly as it pertains to the expression of pain and suffering both in our own life, and the lives of others.

Specifically, it is the ability and willingness to put ourselves in another’s place in life in order that we might not only better understand their life (the nature of their pain and suffering), but locate the deep well of compassion in our own hearts for such pain and suffering and be motivated to alleviate it, if only by expressing solidarity in understanding.

Of course, if we really want to know something about the nature of human suffering, we need to start by examining the depths of our own heart and soul first—suspending judgement, employing curiosity, compassion and patience.

In a fashion similar to the way kitchen scraps are transformed into fertile soil when put on the compost pile, this act of turning inward to feel what we feel and acknowledge what we perceive there, opens our hearts allowing our experience to speak and reveal its insight/s to us.

It’s called meditation, a very organic process, not instantaneous, but with consistent contemplative care the wisdom to be gained from listening to the heart is eventually revealed—a simple, but indispensable prescriptive.

In the end, empathy is the art of understanding all it means to be human—the struggles and challenges, beauty and joy. We need to cultivate the skill of working effectively with the complex material of the heart, to hold space for it all, one heart and soul at a time, beginning with our own.

Not easy, but necessary in a world losing its grip on being peace.

What Does it Mean to Forgive?

I have to confess I find the subject of forgiveness a difficult one to address. I’ve struggled with it in my own life and discovered that, far from being a simple choice, forgiveness is a complex part of the healing process, something that unfolds as an injurious event is processed over time.

In my experience, the heart that has been bruised is the heart that needs to heal and be let alone to recover until one day it inevitably and naturally opens. Forgiveness, then, makes sense to me as part of the process of healing, a grace bestowed by the heart when it’s ready.

Also, I don’t think forgiveness is to be confused with condoning, minimizing, or forgetting. While we don’t want to fixate on past ills I believe there is wisdom in remembering them, honouring the dark nights of the soul they induct us into and celebrating the growth leading us back out.

Forgiveness, therefore, seems to me an essential part of the education of the heart, one of the lessons we learn on the road to being love—of learning to better love ourselves and others in the world around us.

Naïve? I don’t think so.

It’s simply necessary to own our own side of any given matter, to assume responsibility for the life inside us and be good custodians of that life, including being mindful that we don’t let anger and resentment fester into a bitter malignancy that will only compromise health and happiness.

We don’t have control over the life inside other people, their choices or behaviour. That belongs to them and is their responsibility. Obsessing over any of that is a pointless waste of precious life energy. Empathy is a more productive use.

All of which is to say, it is wise to mind the boundary where our life ends and the life of others begins and vice versa—others need to mind the boundary where their life ends and our life begins.

It’s called R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

And it all hinges on an ability and willingness to practice compassion toward ourselves and express empathy toward others, that we might understand more fully the complex nature of any tragic circumstance requiring our forgiveness.

Living an Over-Produced Life?

We all live over-produced lives—over-produced in the sense that we load our life with expectations, with obligations and with the acquisition of things that don’t necessarily bring us the happiness, fulfillment and joy we all long for and deserve—in fact, they often just get in the way.

There is no room for breathing in an over-produced life, no space for simply savouring it. There is always too much going on, too much multi-sensory noise drowning out all that might otherwise be heard, felt or seen.

Why not engage in the production of a life that actually makes us happy and fulfilled, and actually grants us moments of joy—a life on our own terms?

A simpler life.

If we’re only doing this once, why not take a chance and create a life that is a personal opus, something not only edifying, but a thing of beauty to behold as well?

A creative life.

Dare to consider that there may be other possibilities for your life than the ones you are currently aware of. Become curious, do a little digging and see what turns up. Be an innovator.

We’re daily making choices that contribute to the production of whatever kind of life we are currently living anyway, why not begin making sure those choices are in closer alignment with heart and soul?

A fulfilling life.