Tips For Navigating the Dark Side of Life

Much writing that I come across seems to avoid acknowledging the pain that is part and parcel of our lives, and I think this is a mistake. Life's imperfections can be a source of vitality. Gandhi remarked that his imperfections and failures were as much a 'blessing from God' as his successes and talents, and that he lay them both at the feet of the creator. 

I think it is our fear of the dark that sends us all diving for cover in denial and other forms of escape. Problem is we never really escape the dissonance, it is always there waiting to be attended to, thriving in direct proportion to our neglect of it.

My personal experience has led me to believe that the shadow aspect of life, although intimidating, is manageable and simply requires us to summon a little courage in order to deal with it. The dissonance only becomes problematic, as I say, in direct proportion to the degree that one tries to ignore its inevitability. 

Three things that I have found helpful are: 

Meditation. This is helpful because the very nature of meditation requires us to be present to all the variety of emotion and sensation that comes flowing through us--with life as it is. It is simple to do--one sits, and does nothing but breathe and feel, breathe and feel, for 15-30 minutes. The simplicity of the act belies the powerful transformations that can manifest without one having to do anything. Thich Nhat Hanh has compared meditation to composting--an act wherein all the energy of the mind is given a space to be transformed by the heat of our awareness and attention. The edge is taken off our angst and solutions to problems made more readily apparent. This is worth taking time out for.

Reality Check. We have a dreadful tendency to project our expectations, wishes and desires on to the people and things that populate our life, trouble is that these projections often bear little resemblance to reality and so it is wise to become increasingly aware of just where the boundary between fantasy and reality lies. Sometimes this boundary is a little fuzzy, most of the time, if we are being brutally honest with ourselves, it is fairly clear. The people and things near and dear to you will be grateful for any transformation which allows you to withdraw your projections and see them as they are, not as you would wish them to be, or deceive yourself into believing they ought to be.

Connection. We are all connected here on this planet. Our belief, sometimes, that we are alone in our suffering is a mistaken belief. People the world over experience the pain and suffering that is an integral part of life. The surest way to make yourself miserable is to live in denial of this fact. We need to remember that we are not alone in our suffering, that our failures are just part of life, not some aberrant, freakish thing for which we need feel excessive shame and the rush to do damage control. They are also the source for positive transformational changes, and a stimulus for creativity. Reaching out to connect with others is often very edifying and cathartic, as is taking some time for solitude in the event that you need space. Connection to others and to one's own soul is of paramount importance in successfully managing dissonance.

I am not a psychotherapist or a counsellor by training, so there is more to successfully managing the shadow aspects of life than I have laid out here. My offering comes out of my own experience with these things and so is a partial picture. I hope it is nonetheless helpful. 

Life is bittersweet at the end of the day. There will be moments of beauty and joy, but there will also be moments of heartache and hardship. The way to stack the odds in favour of the former is to allow the dissonance, don't make it wrong or right, breathe it in, and breathe it out--let it flow through you, let it speak to you, rather than, in denial, risk it lodging permanently deep inside you where it will only fester. Equanimity awaits.