Beauty of a Wilting Flower - A Mid-Life Chronicle

I have just finished listening to a program on what is popularly conceived of as the 'mid-life crisis.' As a middle-aged woman I experience this from a feminine perspective and I don't frame it in terms of crisis as much as initiation into the latter portion of my life. 

I think it is important to understand mid-life as an important component in one's life journey, a transition from some of the inexperience and frivolity of youth to a deeper appreciation of life in all its guises which, of course, includes death. There is beauty inherent in this time of life as much as any other, but the word 'crisis', among other things, alerts me to the fact that the beauty in this time of life is routinely overlooked and under appreciated.

For women I think this is particularly true. Living in a culture obsessed with youthful forms of beauty means that getting older is something of a rite of passage, a liminal place, but I don't think we have to buy into society's narrow vision of beauty. There is nothing I have more respect for, and find more attractive, than a woman (or man) who has kept their graying hair, while at the same time keeping fit, eating well and basically demonstrating great self care, at a time in life when many people throw in the towel and stop trying.

 Self-respect is sexy and we show that we care about ourselves, by taking good care of ourselves, no matter what time of life we are in.

Part of the problem with this idolization of youth is that it seems to perpetuate the same superficial and narcissistic engagement with life that often characterizes us in our youth. Mid-life offers the potential for liberation by a deeper, richer, more satisfying engagement with all aspects of our life. 

If we spend our middle years avoiding the inevitable through plastic surgery and re-partnering with those more youthful than ourselves, to my way of thinking we only succeed in making a mockery of both ourselves and the mid life experience. I personally am not interested in living the rest of my life as a caricature of my youthful self, I have come too far for that.

I am inspired by the beauty of a gently wilting flower and see much potential for this passage in my life to elicit a greater degree of personal integrity and authenticity, a deeper and more pervasive sense of being alive, and a more intimate engagement with life generally. 

This means I will listen to myself more closely, the life inside me, and take more seriously what I am hearing. I will say 'no' more often to requests for the expenditure of my limited energy and 'yes' to opportunities that energize and elicit psychological warmth. 

I will look upon the altered beauty of my face and body with the sensitivity of an artist, appreciating the way in which the beauty of my soul is increasingly visible.

Mid-life augurs well, but only when we choose to show it some reverence and respect. To the degree that we resent and perceive this as an imposition on what was our youth, is the extent to which we will be rendered unhappy and blame mid-life itself. 

But, it isn't midlife that is the problem, it is us and how we choose to see it and manage it. I vote for seeing it brimming with the same full-bodied possibilities as a fine red wine or warm, sensuous bitter-chocolate cake--rich, sophisticated and delicious possibilities.