How to Be Deeply Happy

Happiness seems to be the holy grail of our times. The quest for it is perennial, its attainment apparently elusive. I think this elusive quality may stem from the fact that people tend to think of it in terms of acquisition, they look for it outside themselves, as an addition to their lives, rather than as something inherent or intrinsic to the human experience. 

But experience originates, inside us, therefore, it may be that the experience of happiness is something we merely need to uncover and be more aware of in ourselves, rather than something we try and add like salt to our food.

Perhaps we just lack a sufficient amount of gratitude. If we have a tendency not to appreciate ourselves or our lives, in some basic sense, we diminish the miracle that a human life really is. 

And let’s face it, we do, at times, find near endless fault with ourselves, others and life as it is, driven by expectations that have little or no basis in that reality. Consequently, we enjoy only a shallow self-acceptance. 

So, how can we expect to be happy, if we are daily, unconsciously, cultivating a practice of rejection and diminishment?

If we want to be happy we need to cultivate self-acceptance and appreciation of what is, on a much deeper level, which, I believe, means giving up our addiction to psychological and spiritual hygiene.

Waiting to fully accept ourselves until we have achieved this misguided, sanitized ideal of mental, emotional and physical health, will never result in happiness because we are trying to rid ourselves of the very failures, neuroses and confusion by which we are humbled and potentially grow into richer, more creative, compassionate human beings. 

We need to accord these things proper respect, they have their role to play. That being said, we must also learn to manage them with greater skill.

Part of this skill lies in the cultivation of awareness. Meaning that we endeavour to anchor ourselves in reality, in who we are now, where we are now—in Now. The inherent joy in living is an experience of the present, everything else is a wraith of the past or future—the two places where our discontent and fear are made most manifest. No real happiness there.

Practicing this skill involves just sitting somewhere quiet for a few minutes focusing your attention on your breath. No agenda, no ideas of getting somewhere with it, just do it and let the experience happen. Breathe. Let it wash over you and make its impression. Don’t make it bad or good, or right or wrong—suspend judgment, and let it be whatever it is.

Just by stopping for these few minutes, we arrest the habit of rejection for a few minutes, creating a space a few minutes long, which is full of transformative energy. 

This is the art of not rejecting (loving) ourselves, how we augment life, rather than diminish it.

In these few minutes, happiness has a chance to make itself known.