Meeting the Needs of Others

I’ve spoken about meeting our own needs and how important that is, particularly as the effects of that care (or disregard) rains down in the lives of those around us. Now I would like to speak a bit about the flip side—meeting the needs of others. 

I feel compelled to offer a word or two of caution before I get started. Being of service is an important responsibility that we bear to those who are in real need. However, as the following quote of Thomas Merton points out, we would all benefit from taking a measured approach to being of service because…

To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to the violence of our times.

When we overburden ourselves this way, it is important to understand this as an act of violence against ourselves. Caring for others must be an act resulting in no harm to either side. No single one of us is an unending supply of energy. We all need time to re-fuel, relax and rejuvenate—we all need care. It is ultimately in no one’s best interest for us to sacrifice our wellbeing on the altar of someone else’s need. Contrary to conventional wisdom, you don’t owe anyone else your life! That is just a form of enslavement and enslavement isn’t a product of love. There needs to be some kind of balance.

Still, it is paramount that we all chip in, that we come to see that we each have a role to play in these matters. It is important to be clear about our intentions too, to clarify why we are doing what we are doing, for whomever we may be doing it for. Making a distinction between filling real needs, genuine needs as opposed to wants or desires is critical as well. 

Just volunteering a couple hours a week at the Boy’s and Girl’s Club, or whatever non-profit resonates with your values and experience, can make a big difference. Make dinner for the neighbour who is going through a hard time.  Sit and listen to the old lady on the park bench for a few minutes, and really give her your whole attention. There are a thousand ways we can reach out to others and make their day just a little brighter, and ours along with it. 

The point is to engage with others, to step outside the circle of our usual self-preoccupations long enough to be alive to the needs and concerns of another human being, to their humanity—our humanity.

Please remember this if you remember nothing else: meeting the needs of others and meeting your own needs are not mutually exclusive endeavours, they each are dependent on the other. Being of service is a coin with two sides, always. 

In simple terms:  love your neighbour as yourself.