Being a Better Failure - Becoming Human

“We cannot fix the world, we cannot even fix our own life. By accepting failure we express our willingness to begin again, time after time. By recognizing failure we change, renew, adapt, listen, and grow. It is only by participating without expectation of success that we can ever truly open to the world, to suffering and to joy.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

Which is to say, that success isn’t something to outline as a goal. We don’t go after things because we are looking for success, we go after them because we are in love, alive, resonant, passionate, about whatever it is that we do.

Success is not what is important here. Engagement is. Connectedness is. Success is immaterial. If it comes, so much the better, if not we are still in love, alive and passionate.

And is that not the larger part of the point in being alive at all?

The emphasis on success, the idea that we are only worthy to the degree that we are also perceived as conventionally successful, is troubling to me.

Does not a fine piece of art remain a fine piece of art whether or not it receives acknowledgment as such?

We need to tone down our expectations. We can’t fix the world. Shit is always going to happen. The only thing we get to decide is how we are going to move through the ups and downs that comprise it.

Are we going to play the role of victim, or are we going to thoughtfully look at what we’ve got to work with, and ask ourselves: “What does this experience want from me? I wonder if I could turn this into something that might be of use to someone—that might be beautiful, educational or fun?”

Best to give up on the idea of fixing ourselves too. For how can any of us, blind and ignorant as we will always be, delude ourselves that we can fix ourselves or, God forbid, others? The logic doesn’t follow.  

We need to acknowledge our fundamental ignorance.

The well-intended arrogance that allows some (and regrettably I have to count myself in here) to provide 3 step-type solutions to any human problem, is LUDICROUS! 

Apologies.

It’s kind of cute that we try though …

But seriously, I think it would probably be best to give up on any ideas of spiritual and psychological hygiene and just learn how to be more human instead.

True success is being a better failure. Becoming more human, not less. 

Simple. Neurotic. Full of heart. Real. 

Sensual AND Spiritual

A source of great personal irritation is the societal tendency to see matters sensual and spiritual as mutually exclusive—as bearing absolutely no relationship to each other. This in spite of the fact that both are fundamental urges, potentially ecstatic and integral to all existence.

The sensual and the spiritual are not dichotomized in nature. Animals and plants live with the two deeply and profoundly intertwined.  It seems the human propensity for abstraction has allowed us to conceptually separate them, and, thus, literalize a false separation between the two. 

So, where's the life in that?!

Historically, the Hindu religion treated matters sensual as necessary to a spiritual life—part of divine experience. The Kama Sutra is the famous text outlining recommendations on how to live a virtuous and gracious life, which includes its sensual aspect.

When one really stops to think about it, this is just common sense. However, in the West, it seems practically revolutionary.

Here, the arbitrary separation of the two creates a whole world of misunderstanding where the true nature of sensuality and spirituality are concerned.

Humanity is hard-wired for the sensual pleasures of life and the search for meaning in mystery. They are both essential elements. The trick is to manage them in such a way that they edify life, rather than destroy it.

Which is to say, somewhere between the moralizing extremes of prim stuffiness on the one hand, and unbridled, undisciplined self-indulgence on the other, lies spiritual and sensual satisfaction.

I don’t mean to propose a boring balance between the two, just a slightly more studied approach leading in the direction of intelligence, vitality and warmth. 

This way we avoid the extremes of a burning heat which will only melt our wings, and the icy chill rendering them rigid, brittle and frozen.

Need I say more?

We can be sensual and spiritual at the same time. They are what an ecstatic and integral life are composed of.

Take two and call me in the morning …






P.S.

This is a lovely video which nicely illustrates what I mean by sensual AND spiritual. Enjoy!

The Beauty of An Asymmetrical Life

There is much talk about the need for balance in our lives, but whose life is ever truly in balance?

A brain tumour in my early twenties thwarted my attempts to pursue an education, compounded later by marriage, the birth of a child, affliction courtesy of another tumour, and, finally divorce … aagh!!

So, the word balance is a little troubling to me.

I find more inspiration in the idea of asymmetry. Some of the most compelling works of art are based on the idea that the visually off-kilter have more life, interest and appeal, than the exactingly balanced.

Traditional Japanese art and design, for instance, are built on a respect for asymmetry. Think bonsai and calligraphy in particular. The fashion designer Yohji Yamamoto is considered a genius, famous for incorporating this sensibility into his clothing line.

Perhaps there is room for such a sensibility when it comes to designing a life, one that makes room for the inevitable chaos that creates asymmetry.

And maybe revising our expectations, where a balanced life is concerned, can free us, finally, to play with asymmetry in ways that foster vitality and wellbeing.

The beauty of asymmetry is that, ironically, it follows the natural order of things. Nothing in nature is perfectly symmetrical. It mirrors the larger construct of which we are an indelible part—a reflection of the basic truth that balance, at best, can only be understood in relative terms. 

Meaning that the trajectory of our life will naturally undulate from one side of a polarity to the other, not remain in the static middle.

At the end of the day, I think the point in striving for ‘balance’ may simply be to avoid any soul-destroying extremes that rob us of our enthusiasm for living—including, especially, extreme notions of balance.

Can't Get No Satisfaction?

For me, satisfaction and happiness seem to manifest more reliably when I let my life, who and where I am now, be enough. When I simply back off myself a little. Somehow doing nothing acts as a catalyst of sorts.

I suppose this is because, in experiencing this quiet sense of contentment the unadulterated richness and abundance of life is revealed—life as it is, in its natural unfolding. 

Then I am in a better position to make decisions that move with this current, rather than against it.

There is something really sweet and simple and real about this that has enormous appeal for me—the essence of beauty and simplicity.

It is true that life beckons with its requirements for food, shelter and clothing, but I think we have a tendency to complicate this endeavour with ideas and beliefs that could be more closely scrutinized and edited.

Do we really need profuse amounts of clothing and other extraneous stuff? And what about the unrelenting attempts at self-improvement? To what degree is any of that truly satisfying? Does the latter not, in fact, breed an unrelenting sense of dissatisfaction?

All I really know is that simplifying my own approach to living has been instrumental in increasing the satisfaction index. And clarifying my values---becoming radically clear about my priorities---has been invaluable to this end. 

My advice? Accept yourself, flaws and all—you’re human, I’m human, we’re all human. 

This is not meant to be used as a cheap excuse for being lazy or lame, it's just reality---we're all bound by limitations that render us less mentally and emotionally stable than we might otherwise prefer to be. 

I don’t think we should be trying to get anywhere per se, just simply refining the way we move through this life’s journey. It’s about being true, being authentic, and really taking ownership when it comes to locating our personal nirvana.

Your life is like no other. Your beautiful spirit and exquisite presence are amazing gifts in and of themselves. The rest is a sort of palette of options you get to choose from---something to play around with.

And satisfaction, on some level, is all about a fundamental reverence and respect for this.