Confidence is as
much an elusive state, as happiness for many people. So, I thought it might be
useful to take a closer look at what is meant by the word and why we care.
The Oxford
English dictionary defines confidence this way: “…a feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one’s own
abilities.” Not very satisfying, so I looked up self-assurance: “…confidence in one’s own abilities or
character.” Thus, the dog is now chasing its own tail.
Personally, I
have observed that there are occasions when I feel ‘confident’ and those when I
experience feelings of doubt and uncertainty—flux, in other words. I’m thinking
that there isn’t anything wrong with this per se, for as Voltaire has famously
been quoted as asserting: “Uncertainty is
an uncomfortable position. But certainty is an absurd one.”
And what is it we
are really jonesing after in the whole notion of confidence anyway; the
certainty that we will never experience failure, self-doubt or fear again?
Not gonna happen.
What about
simply being genuine—transcending the whole notion of confidence and instead rooting
ourselves in being completely human, a radical self-acceptance that requires us
not only to live with the discomfort of uncertainty and imperfection, but to
place a little faith in ourselves for no other reason than that we exist, we're here?
We are each of
us, after all, gifted with abilities of infinite variety and expression. Why
not place some value on simply exploring those qualities and invest in our
creative potential in becoming the fullest, most beautiful expression of our
unique selves?
Questions of
confidence become something of a moot point when we take full ownership of our
lives in this way.
Not convinced? Think
‘confidence’ makes you sexy? Observation reveals that more often than not, all
that adherence to that idea does is warp people into poseurs—tragically
distorted versions of who they think they should be instead of being who they actually
are. How is that sexy?
Sorry to be the
big heavy, but I think that confidence itself may be a completely over-rated
ideal, and one that comes greatly at the expense of authenticity and soul (these
are sexy).
Living a real,
sensual and satisfying life requires only that we be who we are by design, much as a lily in its bulb is by design a lily and not a tulip, nor a
rose.
Confidence
doesn’t enter into it.
Be who you are.
