Life is never
going to be a straight forward or easy affair, and yet it seems to me that we
all put a lot of energy into trying to make it both those things, then end up
feeling like we have somehow failed at life when it continues to be what it
is—a complex system that is as dependent on destruction as it is on creation.
Which is to say,
that chaos will always be a constant in life to varying degrees.
That is the
ground of our reality, so (it seems to me anyway) we need to adjust our expectations to be in alignment
with that truth.
There is
tremendous freedom here if we can manage it.
Once we
acknowledge and accept this very basic premise, it is easy to see how futile
attempting rigid control over our life is. And if a rigid focus on control is
not necessarily advisable, what course of action might be?
Letting things
be is often a good idea—letting life flow unimpeded by our grand schemes and
(let’s face it) self-interested desires to feel little pain, to only be
inconvenienced in minor ways, to be always happy and cheerful, rich and full of the overflowing love, warmth and support of others … sound a little unrealistic? Of course it does.
Listening may have its place too.
Listening may have its place too.
The artist Kiki
Smith has an interesting perspective I’d like to share at this juncture:
"You can have fantasies about having
control over the world, but I know I can barely control my kitchen sink. That
is the grace I’m given. Because when one can control things, one is limited to
one’s own vision.”
One’s own,
possibly ass-backwards vision, let’s underline. I mean, let’s face it, do we
always really know what is in our ultimate best interest? Or are we merely
afraid of facing the vast black of the unknown in and all around us?
Are we going to
allow our fear to be the driver of all the decisions we make, building (in the process) better
defenses against life, rather than letting it in, and letting it work on
us—making us stronger, kinder and emotionally more supple?
We have choices, and they all
come with a specific set of consequences.
A focus on control, driven by fear as
it usually is, comes with the side-effects of a calcified heart and mind,
anxiety, trouble sleeping, digestive problems and trouble letting in all that
might act as a healing balm—love, compassion, contentment.
We need to
question the dominant culture’s tendency to worship at the altar of control and examine
the ways in which control may be having malignant effects in our life.
For life can
only nourish our existence when it circulates freely through open channels. So I say, keep the channels open.
Think about it.
