Nothing can prepare you for the death of someone you know and love. My sister-in-law passed away yesterday and the experience left me feeling like I got punched in the gut. My mind was a bit addled, I felt numb and on the verge of tears in spite of taking time alone in the stairwell to let it all out. Even now it would not take too much to draw tears again, particularly as the sad, melancholy face of my brother reminds me of how much deeper this loss runs for him.
We have talked about how hidden death is in our society. In the week or so since we were up visiting the palliative care ward about 25 people died. This happens daily there, hidden on the 16th floor of the hospital away from the eyes of the world. I wonder if death would be less shocking if we had more exposure to it, if it was more integrated into society, if we made more room for the reality that it is. It seems crazy to me, in view of the inevitability of death, that we should operate in our daily lives so deluded by its ostensible absence.
This is not an experience that I will soon forget. On the contrary, it has made an indelible impression that has re-shaped the way I understand myself and the world around me. I, too, will end up on a bed with my life-force draining from me making me wonder about what comes next, or if something comes next.
I don't have words to adequately express all that is roiling around within, but suffice to say it is adding something to the richness and depth of my life. I have no regrets. I will miss my friend, but am very glad at the same time that her suffering is over. She has taught me a lot about the end of a life's journey and its intimate connection to the life that came before.
Thank you for all your support! Live well.
