I have to
confess I find the subject of forgiveness a difficult one to address. I’ve struggled
with it in my own life and discovered that, far from being a simple choice,
forgiveness is a complex part of the healing process, something that unfolds as
an injurious event is processed over time.
In my
experience, the heart that has been bruised is the heart that needs to heal and
be let alone to recover until one day it inevitably and naturally opens.
Forgiveness, then, makes sense to me as part
of the process of healing, a grace bestowed by the heart when it’s ready.
Also, I don’t
think forgiveness is to be confused with condoning, minimizing, or forgetting.
While we don’t want to fixate on past ills I believe there is wisdom in
remembering them, honouring the dark nights of the soul they induct us into and
celebrating the growth leading us back out.
Forgiveness,
therefore, seems to me an essential part of the education of the heart, one of
the lessons we learn on the road to being
love—of learning to better love ourselves and others in the world around us.
Naïve? I don’t
think so.
It’s simply
necessary to own our own side of any given matter, to assume responsibility for
the life inside us and be good custodians of that life, including being mindful
that we don’t let anger and resentment fester into a bitter malignancy that
will only compromise health and happiness.
We don’t have
control over the life inside other people, their choices or behaviour. That
belongs to them and is their responsibility. Obsessing over any of that is a pointless
waste of precious life energy. Empathy is a more productive use.
All of which is
to say, it is wise to mind the boundary where our life ends and the life of
others begins and vice versa—others need to mind the boundary where their life
ends and our life begins.
It’s called
R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
And it all
hinges on an ability and willingness to practice compassion toward ourselves
and express empathy toward others, that we might understand more fully the
complex nature of any tragic circumstance requiring our forgiveness.
